Dealing With Resistance To Learning New Music

"Resistance has no strength of it's own. Every ounce of juice it possesses comes from us. We feed it with power by our fear of it. Master that fear and we conquer resistance."
The War Of Art by Steven Pressfield       

Practicing the piano with two granddaughters over the last two weeks has been interesting for me. They both love reviewing but there is a huge resistance to sight reading new music. What is the anatomy of that resistance? Is it fear? Do they fear note reading? Will the learning take forever?

            

   As the parent, we can smooth over the resistance by, 1) Letting our child explain what they observe on the page of new music, 2) Letting them choose how much they will learn in one sitting, 3) Giving them praise for playing slowly and carefully, and 4) Watching for the joy to arise when they master a small part of the new piece. Listening, giving choice, praising, and watching are verbs that apply to parent involvement in piano practice. There is nothing more satisfying than hearing your child play, with ease, something that seemed impossible a few days earlier.

"Piano Is Practical" Mini Documentary

   Piano is a practical skill meaning that the skill has usefulness through out life. So, as parents I would like to encourage practical (likely to succeed or be effective in real circumstances) assistance to your child in their practice routine. 

  I asked many of the parents in my studio to describe their child's practice routine. Here are some of their great comments.

1. She practices at the same time every day however long she wants. Sometimes she gives a concert.

2. His routine is to practice in the mornings before school.   15 to 20 minutes on most days.   He usually starts with scales.   I sit with him and help him.

3.They have changed over the years. Typically I prompt the children to do their practice.

4. He plays any chance he gets.  He plays his favorite pieces over and over.  He also picks out, by ear, new pieces he likes.  He plays at least 45 mins./ daily

5. Usually practices after dinner for about 15 minutes and during free time on weekends.

6.  I try to have her practice after dinner and in the morning on late-start days and Saturdays. I have her play each of her pieces three times through until she knows them well enough to do it fairly well, and then two times through each time after that. I am not consistent enough.

7. We do scales, new songs, review old songs up to 10 total, do the theory book.  Sometimes we do note flash cards if we have time.

8. She often plays on her own

9. In the past she would play many times during the day, but lately she has been in a funk

10. He gets up and plays after everyone is awake

  

    I see a similar thread winding through these comments. Practice before school if they are elementary age and practice after dinner if they are middle school and high school age. Practicing the same time every day is a very sound solution. If your child has a heavy homework schedule taking a break to practice for 20 minutes will make them more able to concentrate again, after. 

   I remember the challenges of children practicing, very well; I had five of my own. One skill I developed was to acknowledge that I was not the best practice buddy every day for my children but I was able to be really good with each child once a week. On the day that my focus became intense with that one child, I listened more intently to their playing and assessed the flow and amount of hesitations and mistakes. I read their assignments carefully it see if they were playing all assigned music and I asked questions about their intentions. I tried to give assistance to the problems they identified. I showered them with praise and hoped that this was enough to carry us through the week. You may think that it was easy for me because I was a teacher but my daughter played violin and I knew very little about that instrument. The complexity of her instructions and her frustrations were often more than I could handle. I was not perfect, but once a week I was great.

   I hope this encourages us all to see piano as a practical and useful skill. Watch our video about how we see pianists in everyday life.

What Gifts Are Emerging With Piano Lessons?

   On my parent questionnaire I asked what gifts were emerging since the onset of piano lessons. I find that I see the gifts as well and I am so grateful to see them blossom. When it comes to gifts, it is my observation that they are given incompletely. I have a gift to improvise and compose but I did not get the gift to be thorough and detail oriented. I find a melody, play it and get excited and then my lack of stick-to-it-tiveism bogs me down. Notating is tedious and nerve-racking. Gifts never preclude hard work. 

   Here is a sampling of the great answers I received. As you can see composing is a gift that keeps rising to the top. 
1. He seems to have a good ear and good rhythm.

2. She can figure songs out by ear that she hears on her iPod.

3. She has always shown musical talent and she sings from her heart.

4. He is shy but the piano playing is revealing his musical gifts.

5. Both children are experimenting in other musical fields.

6. He enjoys composing and playing his own music when he has time. Music has given him confidence,

7. I remember when you asked him to improvise the first time. He only played one note. Now he makes up his own endings and he makes the music his own.

8. He is experimenting playing his own songs with chords. His confidence has grown mastering more difficult songs.

9. I found out she has even more music in her heart and head than I thought she did. She has been singing since she was very little.

10. He is creatively inspired.

11. He has improved his ability to sing in tune, can read notes, and has developed good rhythm.

12. We knew she was musically gifted but we didn't realize how steady and solid her rhythm would become.

13. She likes to compose a little of her own.

   These answers help me feel that I am on the right track to do more lead sheet work and improvising. Wish I had more time in the lessons.

What Expectations Do You Have For Your Child?

In a recent questionnaire to parents I asked the question -What expectations did you have before your child started piano lessons? The answers were varied and insightful. Here are a few of them.

1.That my children will have a better understanding of music

2. That he would learn to read and enjoy music.

4. That it would be tough-going keeping her motivated over the long-term, but that—if she stuck with it—it would prove a long-lasting gift for her and for my (hopefully) future grandchildren. I looked at it as a long-term, generational investment and a gift for her if she ever wanted to do anything musically. 

5. I thought he would learn the basics of music.

6. Just that he would have fun, and love music, and be a lifetime lover of music.

7. That he would continue to love playing and gain confidence in his musical ability.

8. Just that he would learn to appreciate music.

I thought back to what my mother would have said. It would be something like, "I expect that she will learn to play well enough to accompany our family sing-alongs, play at the Christmas Eve party, and play for the church congregation." You see my mother was practical and she saw playing the piano as a practical skill.

So, to this excellent list of expectations may I add, expect that your child will play the piano for may varied and different functions of home life and community life. The Piano Is Practical.

 Watch for a documentary, starring my students, as we explore how playing the piano is a practical skill.

A Parent Interview

I am always interested in feedback from the parents I work with and so I wrote some questions which I felt would give me some ideas of what they thought about the experience of piano lessons for their child.

               The questionnaires are coming back and I am going to compile the answers and without revealing names give a general idea of what people said.

Between A Rock and a Hard Place

   Occasionally, we can find ourselves held hostage to a series of unfortunate events. Summer is an up and down time for piano practice and the lesson following a vacation period can be rough. Combine a reluctant child with a time crunch and you have three people between a rock and hard place.

   There is a child who refuses to come to the piano, a parent who is trying her best to change the mood, and a teacher waiting to see what transpires, all three in very vulnerable places. As the child digs in with more determination, all wait to see if the tipping point will come before the lesson is over. Ninety-nine percent of the time the child complies and the teacher takes over. At that point, improvisation on the black keys is a balm for frazzled nerves. Our child has been fighting the moment of truth when she will undoubtably, in her mind, fail to play her pieces correctly. Having the whole keyboard of blacks to call home she can relax and find the real reason she wants to play piano; to make music.
   Bring some fun into summer lessons by reviewing favorites and when it's time to really work on a piece, play some games.
 

 
  Grab a prop, like domino pieces and for every time they play a section of their piece, correctly, they can set another domino. At the end the fun is watching them fall. Happy summer practicing!

When Do I Start Lessons For My Child?

  I often get phone calls from parents who see an unusual talent in their young child. When should piano lessons begin? I have a two-year old granddaughter who demands a piano lesson when I come to teach her older siblings. What is she really asking for?  In my opinion she is asking for a musical experience.

    She has observed that music brings a great deal of pleasure to her parents and siblings. She is attracted to the piano and the sounds she can generate from that big, beautiful instrument. She is ready to explore the patterns and negotiate the keys in varied ways. She needs time to playfully explore music but one-on-one piano lessons are in the future. Lessons with a teacher are a long process of acquiring skill and musicianship not just an exposure to music.
  I teach music and movement classes to 18 month- 4year-olds to give this musical experience to the very young child. Some of these children come to me later with some foundation and are ready to embrace practice and accountability. A rule of thumb I believe to be true is that parents need to be with their child to practice until they are at least 8 years old. After that age they have some ability to go to the piano alone and know how to approach their practice sessions. Before then, they need the loving support of an interested parent.
Here are some other posts that address working with your children:
  How To Be As A Parent
  One Arrow At A Time

Clicking On the Keys

   Ah, the dilemma of telling that pretty little girl she really must cut her fingernails. She has no traction and the clicking is obnoxious.  I personally do not have nails that grow in beautiful petals but occasionally I run for my clippers to take them down. My own granddaughter had the discussion just last month. On that day, there was a real struggle between a future as a pianist and beautiful painted finger nails.

Dad Saves The Day

   Yesterday I almost lost a student as we both dug our heels into the ground and refused to budge. He did not like his current pieces and announced that he was not playing them anymore. And further more, he wanted to play better songs in some other book. I countered with the importance of putting some finishing touches on his last piece and looking forward to some really great pieces coming up. He opted to skip his lesson for the day. We both went to our corners. It was awkward; he is my grandson.

   Previously in a post I wrote about "teaching my own" and I recounted the ups and downs of taking on your family as students. There are so many joys associated with giving the gift of music to children you will love forever. My wise son saved the day. In the evening I answered the phone to hear a cacophony of piano notes on the other end. As I listened "The Tambourine Party" emerged and I recognized that my grandson was playing a duet with his father. They were obviously having fun together and they called back again later to play the next song. I suspect our lessons will go on because his father brought value and attention to a discouraged student. That is what parents can do when the going gets tough.

One Arrow At a Time

  No lessons again for the third day due to extreme weather. I predict some of us will lose power sometime in the next 24 hours. That acoustic piano may be the only music we hear for a while.

 
      School closures give you some extra time to play your instrument.
     When you find yourself at the piano with your child, you as a parent can see ways they could improve.
   "Suzy, you must sit up straight. And remember to curve your hand, so that the thumb is in position. Now, play it again and even out your rhythm. Oh,oh, you missed a note."
   Too much. Your child can only pay attention to one thing at a time. They will get frustrated and soon your practice relationship is in crisis mode. So, "only shoot one arrow at a time". Take a few minutes and listen, find something that is working well, comment on that and then take aim carefully. Shoot your arrow and keep your eyes on that target.

     If you do not see exactly what direction to give, it is a good idea to buy yourself some time. Go to the thing which you observed and ask to see that again because it was well done. The second time through you may hear some issues resolve themselves. That is your child learning by practice. Be sure to point out the corrections she made so that she hears about how she is learning. Learning to be tactful and patient are the best arrows in your quiver.
   I hope for better weather next week. See you back then.

How To Be As a Parent at the Piano

   There is no more important asset to your child's success at the piano then you.  But how should you be with them? Let me draw on my experience as a child, as a parent, and as a teacher.
  My mother really wanted me to learn to play the piano. We were immigrants from Germany and buying a used piano was a real sacrifice. She was strict and relentless in her pursuit of my practicing time. One of the best things she offered me is her sincere interest in the music I was playing. I swear she could hum all the tunes. In fact, she started learning to play herself from my beginning books. The music I played was appreciated and heard.
   Lesson No.1- Become a good audience for your child. Don't send them into the trenches alone. You don't have to talk, just listen.

   I made some mistakes as a parent helping my daughter take violin lessons. She was just so slow at getting out her violin, putting rosin on her bow, tuning up, I showed my exasperation by rushing her. My goal was getting 30 minutes of practice in and I couldn't see just how reluctant she was to get into the mode of playing.
   Lesson No. 2- See the getting ready to practice as important and appreciate the change of mental attitude that accompanies the process.
   "Now focus your attention!", is a phrase I have thrown in the trash. Children don't get that statement. Does it mean look really hard? Does it mean tense up my neck? I look at my students and observe what they look like when they are fully engaged. It is marvelous to see a relaxed and intent child playing and listening. What do they sound like when they are in that mode? Watch and listen to find uplifting comments to gift to them.
   "When you sit up so tall and regal you look like a king at the piano." "That first line sounds so smooth and relaxed." "I like how your eyes look ahead at the music just like a detective." "Your pinky finger is resting so lightly on the white keys. It must be getting stronger."
    Lesson No. 3- If you expect to give your child direction, give honey first. Watch and listen to them to discover what they do well.
   More tips for parents to come, stay tuned please and boy, I would love some comments.

The "Land of Easier"

  I just finished the best piano lesson for D. in his whole life. "That was so fun and it was easy!"

  We were in the Land of Easier for the whole 30 minutes. What happened to make it so good?
1) He let me into his heart today
2) We prepared the patterns for his new songs by reviewing songs he loved and played well.
3) The new songs had a great physical feeling with repeating thirds on C and E

  As you practice with your child these same components can bring you into the Land of Easier.
1) Bring an open heart to the task and invite your child to open up with that same good vibe.
2) Don't jump in with "the task at hand", but allow your child to shine in your eyes by playing pieces he knows and feels good about.
3) Talk about his new piece and get feedback about what he remembers from the lesson. A new piece is daunting. Most of the time lack of confidence sets in just before they look to see how to start. Let them think about the first note for each hand. Give them time to look ahead in the music to see what happens in the first line. Take it SLOW. Marvel at how they decode and move ahead. Did they only play 1 line? Celebrate!
  Leave the task just before it gets frustrating.
I will give more tips in upcoming posts. Do you have a comment? Leave some feedback below.

What Is Your Child Practicing This Week?

     For a while in these posts I want to pursue the "Land of Easier". Making practice time easier at home would make piano so much more productive and pleasant.  In the last post I covered three ideas which seem worthwhile for all parents. Let's look at the third idea and start on the ground level. Prepare yourself to try new ways to infuse your practice time with your child with more calm and help them enter the "Land of Easier". Wouldn't it be great if you, as a parent, had a magic wand to make hard things easy? It is time you told your child that you really don't have a magic wand. But, you can make things easier.

       If your child is under eight they need you to be there when they practice. You, as the parent, need to know what their assignment is for the week. That means if you weren't there at the lesson it would be really important to sit down the evening of the lesson and talk about what is expected for the week. If you wait more than 24 hours your child will remember very little of what happened at the lesson. That will make practicing hard. The parent knowing the assignment for the week is important for all ages. This allows you to listen from afar and know if progress is happening. Look at the assignment book together. Ask questions which allow your child to recall. You don't need to be pushy, this experience is for recall. This will work even if you were at the lesson. You can learn what your child remembers and compare it to your memory, mentally. You have heard this before, it is not new, but it doesn't always happen and trust me, if you start with this step again, practicing will be easier. 
   Stay tuned for more steps to making practice easier.

Making Practicing Easier

   Many parents feel frustrated with practice sessions at home. They often feel the conflict that arises about practice indicates they are bad parents. Children can behave in strange and bizarre ways when it is time to practice. It is not unusual for children to resist being told what to do. As a teacher, parents often appeal to me to tell their children to practice because they feel their child will not listen to them. So, what is going on if this is a universal problem?

Edmund Sprunger has some important ideas on this subject in a book called, "Helping Parents Practice". There are three ideas in the beginning of the book that make sense to me.

1) Children are vulnerable and want to look good in the eyes of their parents. They crave attention as a sign that they are loved. If their actions get attention, good or bad, they feel safer. Keep in mind that your child feels insecure when she is not able play perfectly. When practicing gets hard, behavior can become trying for the parent.

2) When dealing with your child's vulnerability, notice if what you are doing is improving the situation or making it worse. Pay attention to outcome of your suggestions to your child.

3) Prepare yourself to try new ways to infuse your practice time with your child with more calm and help them enter the "Land of Easier". Wouldn't it be great if you, as a parent, had a magic wand to make hard things easy? It is time you told you child that you really don't have a magic wand. But, you can make things easier.

"This book contains specific strategies for working in ways that are easier- and more effective in the long run- than fixing and correcting bad things."

I will be revisiting this topic and ideas to make practice easier in subsequent posts.

Why Are You Giving Your Child Piano Lessons?

Dear Parents,

  Why are you giving your child piano lessons? You may be asking yourself that as the winter holidays come to a close and no one has touched the piano. Let me remind you of some of the reasons you are doing this very good thing.
  1)You come from a musical family and the joy of music has is permanently in your DNA. No? How about these reasons:

  2) You always wanted your child to be bi-lingual and music is one of the most beautiful languages.
  3) Your child showed signs of musicality from the beginning.
  4) Playing and reading music is related to achieving intellectually.
  5) Musicians have skills in self-discipline
  6) You want a well rounded child and the piano is a stepping stone to other artistic endeavors.
  7) Playing the piano is a life skill which benefits others.
  8) You know your teenager will need an outlet for their fluctuating hormones.
  9) Your child needs to learn how others feel and playing music by different composers is a doorway into the soul of another human being.
 10) You don't want to hear your child say,"I wish you had made me practice and learn the piano."

   I cannot begin to count how many adults have said to me that they wish they had kept taking piano lessons. But, to date, no pianist has told me that they wished they had spent their time on something else.
So, chin up, lets go forward and listen to another semester of beautiful music.