How To Be As a Parent at the Piano

   There is no more important asset to your child's success at the piano then you.  But how should you be with them? Let me draw on my experience as a child, as a parent, and as a teacher.
  My mother really wanted me to learn to play the piano. We were immigrants from Germany and buying a used piano was a real sacrifice. She was strict and relentless in her pursuit of my practicing time. One of the best things she offered me is her sincere interest in the music I was playing. I swear she could hum all the tunes. In fact, she started learning to play herself from my beginning books. The music I played was appreciated and heard.
   Lesson No.1- Become a good audience for your child. Don't send them into the trenches alone. You don't have to talk, just listen.

   I made some mistakes as a parent helping my daughter take violin lessons. She was just so slow at getting out her violin, putting rosin on her bow, tuning up, I showed my exasperation by rushing her. My goal was getting 30 minutes of practice in and I couldn't see just how reluctant she was to get into the mode of playing.
   Lesson No. 2- See the getting ready to practice as important and appreciate the change of mental attitude that accompanies the process.
   "Now focus your attention!", is a phrase I have thrown in the trash. Children don't get that statement. Does it mean look really hard? Does it mean tense up my neck? I look at my students and observe what they look like when they are fully engaged. It is marvelous to see a relaxed and intent child playing and listening. What do they sound like when they are in that mode? Watch and listen to find uplifting comments to gift to them.
   "When you sit up so tall and regal you look like a king at the piano." "That first line sounds so smooth and relaxed." "I like how your eyes look ahead at the music just like a detective." "Your pinky finger is resting so lightly on the white keys. It must be getting stronger."
    Lesson No. 3- If you expect to give your child direction, give honey first. Watch and listen to them to discover what they do well.
   More tips for parents to come, stay tuned please and boy, I would love some comments.

The "Land of Easier"

  I just finished the best piano lesson for D. in his whole life. "That was so fun and it was easy!"

  We were in the Land of Easier for the whole 30 minutes. What happened to make it so good?
1) He let me into his heart today
2) We prepared the patterns for his new songs by reviewing songs he loved and played well.
3) The new songs had a great physical feeling with repeating thirds on C and E

  As you practice with your child these same components can bring you into the Land of Easier.
1) Bring an open heart to the task and invite your child to open up with that same good vibe.
2) Don't jump in with "the task at hand", but allow your child to shine in your eyes by playing pieces he knows and feels good about.
3) Talk about his new piece and get feedback about what he remembers from the lesson. A new piece is daunting. Most of the time lack of confidence sets in just before they look to see how to start. Let them think about the first note for each hand. Give them time to look ahead in the music to see what happens in the first line. Take it SLOW. Marvel at how they decode and move ahead. Did they only play 1 line? Celebrate!
  Leave the task just before it gets frustrating.
I will give more tips in upcoming posts. Do you have a comment? Leave some feedback below.

What Is Your Child Practicing This Week?

     For a while in these posts I want to pursue the "Land of Easier". Making practice time easier at home would make piano so much more productive and pleasant.  In the last post I covered three ideas which seem worthwhile for all parents. Let's look at the third idea and start on the ground level. Prepare yourself to try new ways to infuse your practice time with your child with more calm and help them enter the "Land of Easier". Wouldn't it be great if you, as a parent, had a magic wand to make hard things easy? It is time you told your child that you really don't have a magic wand. But, you can make things easier.

       If your child is under eight they need you to be there when they practice. You, as the parent, need to know what their assignment is for the week. That means if you weren't there at the lesson it would be really important to sit down the evening of the lesson and talk about what is expected for the week. If you wait more than 24 hours your child will remember very little of what happened at the lesson. That will make practicing hard. The parent knowing the assignment for the week is important for all ages. This allows you to listen from afar and know if progress is happening. Look at the assignment book together. Ask questions which allow your child to recall. You don't need to be pushy, this experience is for recall. This will work even if you were at the lesson. You can learn what your child remembers and compare it to your memory, mentally. You have heard this before, it is not new, but it doesn't always happen and trust me, if you start with this step again, practicing will be easier. 
   Stay tuned for more steps to making practice easier.

Making Practicing Easier

   Many parents feel frustrated with practice sessions at home. They often feel the conflict that arises about practice indicates they are bad parents. Children can behave in strange and bizarre ways when it is time to practice. It is not unusual for children to resist being told what to do. As a teacher, parents often appeal to me to tell their children to practice because they feel their child will not listen to them. So, what is going on if this is a universal problem?

Edmund Sprunger has some important ideas on this subject in a book called, "Helping Parents Practice". There are three ideas in the beginning of the book that make sense to me.

1) Children are vulnerable and want to look good in the eyes of their parents. They crave attention as a sign that they are loved. If their actions get attention, good or bad, they feel safer. Keep in mind that your child feels insecure when she is not able play perfectly. When practicing gets hard, behavior can become trying for the parent.

2) When dealing with your child's vulnerability, notice if what you are doing is improving the situation or making it worse. Pay attention to outcome of your suggestions to your child.

3) Prepare yourself to try new ways to infuse your practice time with your child with more calm and help them enter the "Land of Easier". Wouldn't it be great if you, as a parent, had a magic wand to make hard things easy? It is time you told you child that you really don't have a magic wand. But, you can make things easier.

"This book contains specific strategies for working in ways that are easier- and more effective in the long run- than fixing and correcting bad things."

I will be revisiting this topic and ideas to make practice easier in subsequent posts.

Why Are You Giving Your Child Piano Lessons?

Dear Parents,

  Why are you giving your child piano lessons? You may be asking yourself that as the winter holidays come to a close and no one has touched the piano. Let me remind you of some of the reasons you are doing this very good thing.
  1)You come from a musical family and the joy of music has is permanently in your DNA. No? How about these reasons:

  2) You always wanted your child to be bi-lingual and music is one of the most beautiful languages.
  3) Your child showed signs of musicality from the beginning.
  4) Playing and reading music is related to achieving intellectually.
  5) Musicians have skills in self-discipline
  6) You want a well rounded child and the piano is a stepping stone to other artistic endeavors.
  7) Playing the piano is a life skill which benefits others.
  8) You know your teenager will need an outlet for their fluctuating hormones.
  9) Your child needs to learn how others feel and playing music by different composers is a doorway into the soul of another human being.
 10) You don't want to hear your child say,"I wish you had made me practice and learn the piano."

   I cannot begin to count how many adults have said to me that they wish they had kept taking piano lessons. But, to date, no pianist has told me that they wished they had spent their time on something else.
So, chin up, lets go forward and listen to another semester of beautiful music.

Piano Accompanying: Not Just Performance but Service

  Several weeks ago my student played a duet with me during a church service. She is a beginner musician but plays with feeling and thoughtfulness. She had the melody in both hands and I played a accompaniment. Her gift of service was well received and fortified her confidence in playing the piano. My daughter-in-law felt I had taken her advice to heart. "Children need to know why playing the piano is useful." Her words ring true and make it worth the effort to find opportunities to use my student's emerging skills.

  In my church this month the congregation is singing Christmas carols fifteen minutes prior to the service beginning. Two of my students, who attend the same church, are playing carols with me as accompanists. They are new to this skill and I have been singing with them to help them learn to follow another musician. Will they play perfectly? Probally not, but the leaders of this church understand the need to groom the next generation of church musicians. Abiding a few mistakes is a small price to pay for the huge reward of having volunteer, amateur pianists ready to assist a group and to provide music.
  You may have other musical venues to train your students, but I see the most consistent place, for those students who are in my church, is the prelude and postlude times in church meetings. They are not in the spotlight and I "break them in" as duet accompanists with me. Then later I can assign them a time to prepare music for the entire prelude or postlude period.
   I am a volunteer organist and am very vocal about music. Those leaders who organize music see the wisdom in my requests and I have support from them and from their parents.
   I can give credit to my responsibility as a church musician for my staying active in piano lessons for ten years. These opportunities to use my skill made me practice.

Teaching Piano Over the Internet

   We have heard that it is possible and thought how it might work in our studio and now I want to report I have had my first lesson over the internet. My student is my granddaughter who lives a half hour away. I see her often during the month but not every week. She is my guinea pig, and a cute one, if I can say so myself.

   Here are some thoughts on my first experience. There must be some learning curve time. My son and I both had to investigate the best service to use and practice calling each other. I had some issues with Skype on my PC so I was looking for another option. We settled on Google Video Chat because many people have a Gmail account which is what this service requires. Google has a plug-in to download and I had to solve an issue with my Apple Laptop working with Google but I prevailed and we found it very easy to call once the set-up was in place. The easiest service would be for Apple users as their FaceTime feature is already installed. This must happen from Apple to Apple devices.
   My laptop was the best solution to placing the camera at a good angle so that my student could see me and my piano keyboard. I slowed my teaching pace down so that I could show her more on the camera. and her mother was essential in the process as she could correct what did not seem to make sense to my granddaughter.
    Way back in olden times, we dreamed of this but who "wouldda thunk" it would happen.